i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
