guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How does it feel to date your dad?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
