i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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