Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
