I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
