The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
