i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
