ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
