watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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