You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
