I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
