Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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