So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
