how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize