I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize