so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
