My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize