Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
