census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize
