what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
