and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I have post one night stand depression
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
