At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
