people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
