i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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