Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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