I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
