The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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