i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
