come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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