looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
