Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
