I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
