I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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