She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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