Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
