I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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