Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
