I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
