I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
