She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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