am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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