I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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