just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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