so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
so much tequila, so little girl.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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