i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
