i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
