New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
