That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
