If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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