I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
