He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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