WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
