is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
