Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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