Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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