I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
