apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize