I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
