Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
