im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
