Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
