he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
