I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
PANTIES FOUND
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
