ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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