It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
