Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
