when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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