JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
