You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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