i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
