Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize