My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
